It hurts

It hurts to possess the knowledge,
That I am all alone in this world.
That no person craves for my presence,
Or smiles at my call.

It hurts to possess the knowledge,
That my life is devoid of friendship.
That the messages I crave never appear,
And invitations never arrive.

It hurts to possess the knowledge,
That I have no one in my life.
That meals will never be shared,
Conversations never had.

It hurts that I am lonely.

To have all your worst fears come true

To have all your worst fears come true,
Is to feel like all the world is falling apart,
To have your heart tighten in your chest,
And your mind spin a million miles an hour.

It is holding on to desperate hope,
For weeks, and months, and even years,
That things will go back to how they were.
And feeling crushingly disappointed when they don’t

It is to wonder where you went wrong,
What you did in the past to deserve this.
It is feeling like you are not worth it.
It is knowing that you are not worth it.

A letter to my anxiety

To the worst parts of myself,

I hate when you come out of your hiding place,
and bring with you those thoughts,
that slowly chip away at me,
until pieces are falling off, falling away.

You shroud my vision with images of hatred,
with self-loathing and jealousy,
with intense anger and crippling despair,
until hatred is all that is a part of me.

You make me overthink the little things,
the missed messages and unanswered phone calls,
the subtle looks and little changes in demeanour,
the things that are not important become my world.

The worst part about you, anxiety,
is that you make me hate myself,
for no other reason than that I am this.

What it is to love someone

To love someone is to love all of someone,
To love their faults and failures,
To love their perfections and their successes.

To love someone is to feel all of someone,
To feel their happiness as your happiness,
To feel their pain as your pain.

To love someone is to see all of someone,
To see them in their triumphs and tribulations,
To see them in their pain and their glory.

To love you is the best thing I have ever done.

Writing

I have always loved to write. I loved to write short stories in primary school, opinion pieces in middle school, and essays in senior school. And I have loved to write here, in the after period. Sometimes my head spins uncontrollably with millions of different thoughts and feelings and it is very overwhelming and I find that writing helps.

Lately, I have been craving a new kind of writing. A kind of writing that is unlike the opinion pieces I have written in the past, or the essays or the numerous styles of blog posts. I have decided to take on a project I have wanted to start since I was very young. I have decided to write a book. I’m not going to lie, it’s pretty crap, and I expect it to continue to be pretty crap but I am determined to finish it. I have begun the book as a kind of project. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, or low, or frustrated with life it gives me somewhere to escape, and somewhere to create.

Understanding

 

I finally understand what it is to feel love.
To feel such overwhelming happiness,
As well as such crippling pain.

I finally understand what it is to feel alive.
To be excited to take my first breath in the morning,
In anticipation of a new dawn with you.

I finally understand what it is to feel like I belong.
To feel the comfort and security of your embrace,
And know that I always have somewhere to call home.

So white men want to rule the world

In modern society there are innumerable inequalities; inequalities that have existed far past their sell-by date. We live in a society in which men receive more financial gain than women for doing the same job; a society in which white people are treated with more respect than anyone else; a society in which Christianity is the only trusted branch of religion; a society in which inequalities reign free.

The feminist movement has, recently, taken the world by storm, but the fact is there are more inequalities than those that men and women face. I am appalled at the treatment given to those that practice the Muslim faith, that wear either a burqa or a hijab; appalled at the amount of unjustified deaths of African Americans. We, as a nation, should feel more disgusted and embarrassed by the awful injustices suffered by minorities every day.

Equality is not just a matter of rights but it’s the standards and expectations each gender, religious and racial groups are held to. Why do we, as a nation, consistently conform to the narrow minded viewpoints of society? Don’t you want Australia to be the first nation to shatter the glass ceiling and allow the light of equality to enter? Don’t you want to lead the world in a revolutionary movement?

Equal rights are complicated, but not so complicated to resolve. It will take time and it will take effort but isn’t it worth it for people to stop being judged; for rights to stop being withheld from deserving people? Things need to change – we need to change, because, the fact is, white middle aged men are the only people having a good time right now.

A letter to death

Dear Death,

Do you ever think about the people that you affecting?
You take, and you take, and you take,
And you give nothing back in return.

The hours that I have spent shedding tears,
Over the selfishness of your character,
And your unwanted frequency

You snatch people away from life,
In the middle of the day,
In the prime of their life.

You take in the cruelest of ways,
Giving young children cancer,
And denying others basic nutrition.

I am angry at the moments that you have stolen from me:
My wedding that they won’t get to see,
My children they won’t get to meet.

It is unfair,
And I am angry,
And I wish you did not have to come.

 

Sincerely,
Anonymous.

Love

I never knew that it was possible to feel like this.
I can feel it running through me, over me, consuming.
It is wonderful and painful all at the same time.
It is love.

When I look at you I believe that my heart may explode.
You are my sun, and my moon, and my stars.
You are my happiness and my suffering.
You are love

Voices

I have two voices living inside my head.
The first attempts to convince me that,
Everything is going to be okay, is okay.
This is the quieter voice,
It often goes unnoticed.

The second fills my head with thoughts of failure,
It tells me that everything is wrong,
And that these wrongs are all my fault.
This is the louder voice of the two,
It never goes unnoticed.